Monday, April 20, 2009

This too shall pass.....

My mom says that to me all the time, whether it be about Budderoo's still waking often through the night or HoneyPie's saucy attitude...I hope she'd say it to me right now, because I really hope that "this" passes soon.

I've been feeling really down lately. Actually, I haven't felt quite right since having Buderoo. I even talked to my doctor about postpartum depression but he chalked it up to being back to work when Budderoo was only 2.5months old and then moving to a new house when he was 5 months....there was a lot of stress in those early months. And I did seem to feel better once we were all settled in our new home...but still not quite right.

Tonight, DH and I had quite a talk. I finally expressed the things that have been bothering me. I have been feeling like I've been walking around in a haze, not knowing who "I" am anymore. Right now, it feels like I am HoneyPie and Budderoo's mom and DH's wife...but that's it...where did Hollie go? I really am not sure - she's been gone for too long.

I feel like I've lost sight of myself, like I am drowning in motherhood. I never felt this way after HoneyPie was born but I think the addition of a second child really changes things. "The time and attention it takes to go from mothering one child to mothering two doesn't just double, it quadruples".

In no way do I resent my role as a mother...this is all I have ever be a mommy...and to be able to stay at home with them. I just feel like I am losing my own identity as I tend to the needs of everyone else. And I wonder sometimes, if working from home is adding to my issues. It was my choice to stay home and it was the best one for us and the kids...but I miss the adult interaction and getting out of the house during the day. I think even having an outside of the house job would be some "ME" time. But then at the same time, I am not ready to put my babies in daycare.

Learning to take time for me has been very hard to do. I think that I need to find something to do that makes me happy, but while thinking of that something...I come up with nothing...I don't even know what I'm interested in anymore. I like scrapbooking, but finding time to do a page or two is just not happening lately. It's hard to balance so many roles and still find time for me. But I think, once I do, I'll be happier and an even better mom - wife - person than I am now.

So, starting today, I am going to work on ME. Perhaps find a hobby that I could do outside of the house once a week, or even just get out for a walk by myself...

and as my mom tells me...

This too shall pass.

My family is the most important thing in the world!


  1. I think your Mom would say it for the "this" you are going through. Thanks for sharing this - I have felt the same way and it is good to know I am not alone, or wierd.

  2. Hey Hollie,
    I know we've said it before. But hopefully we can stick to it. Next time your in the city we should get together for a coffee. I miss hanging out with you. Chin up sweetie :)
    Love ya

  3. Get outta the house at LEAST once a week at night sista! Sign up for a dance/workout class thru the city - they are fun and you don't even feel like you are working out. And way cheaper than joining a gym. Having your work/social life tied to your house all the time can make the walls close in on the best of days.

  4. Wow...When I read that it felt like the words were coming right out of my mouth. Your words are inspiring and to know that there are others going through the same thing is a little comforting! I know it's hard especially when we do work out of our home, but it is so worth it! I find going for a drive or having a bath when Scott first gets home it takes away from some of the stress that I seemed to have during the day! Makes the night with my 4 boys a little more relaxing!