This too shall pass.....

My mom says that to me all the time, whether it be about Budderoo's still waking often through the night or HoneyPie's saucy attitude...I hope she'd say it to me right now, because I really hope that "this" passes soon.

I've been feeling really down lately. Actually, I haven't felt quite right since having Buderoo. I even talked to my doctor about postpartum depression but he chalked it up to being back to work when Budderoo was only 2.5months old and then moving to a new house when he was 5 months....there was a lot of stress in those early months. And I did seem to feel better once we were all settled in our new home...but still not quite right.

Tonight, DH and I had quite a talk. I finally expressed the things that have been bothering me. I have been feeling like I've been walking around in a haze, not knowing who "I" am anymore. Right now, it feels like I am HoneyPie and Budderoo's mom and DH's wife...but that's it...where did Hollie go? I really am not sure - she's been gone for too long.

I feel like I've lost sight of myself, like I am drowning in motherhood. I never felt this way after HoneyPie was born but I think the addition of a second child really changes things. "The time and attention it takes to go from mothering one child to mothering two doesn't just double, it quadruples".

In no way do I resent my role as a mother...this is all I have ever wanted...to be a mommy...and to be able to stay at home with them. I just feel like I am losing my own identity as I tend to the needs of everyone else. And I wonder sometimes, if working from home is adding to my issues. It was my choice to stay home and it was the best one for us and the kids...but I miss the adult interaction and getting out of the house during the day. I think even having an outside of the house job would be some "ME" time. But then at the same time, I am not ready to put my babies in daycare.

Learning to take time for me has been very hard to do. I think that I need to find something to do that makes me happy, but while thinking of that something...I come up with nothing...I don't even know what I'm interested in anymore. I like scrapbooking, but finding time to do a page or two is just not happening lately. It's hard to balance so many roles and still find time for me. But I think, once I do, I'll be happier and an even better mom - wife - person than I am now.

So, starting today, I am going to work on ME. Perhaps find a hobby that I could do outside of the house once a week, or even just get out for a walk by myself...

and as my mom tells me...

This too shall pass.

My family is the most important thing in the world!

Weight Loss Wednesday #3

Another week spent tracking...and I am happy to be down 0.8lbs. I always think that anything "0 point something" is really nothing...but really it's almost a pound so I am down now 18.6lbs....putting me over my 10% goal.

Tomorrow, we are heading to Montreal for the weekend. DH is going to the UFC fight on Saturday night with some friends, so the wives/kids are tagging along. I am worried about having to eat out all weekend - even choosing salads sometime isn't the best choice...for example - Last Friday, we went to Kelsey's for lunch. I thought I was choosing something healthy and ordered the Chicken Sonoma Valley Salad...it was really good. When I got home I looked up the nutritional info online...Calories: 740 Grams of Fat: 44g Fibre 6. 44 GRAMS OF FAT????? IN A SALAD???? I couldn't believe it. The salad total was 17points. I only get 24 for the day...insane. So, hopefully I can find some healthy options while we are away.

Will be back Sunday.
~ Hollie

Weight Loss Wednesday #2

Tonight was weigh in night at Weight Watchers. I had done so well this past week - tracked EVERYTHING...except a little indulgence at Red Lobster on Saturday night...oh, and some fries at Swiss Chalet on Friday. hee hee. Well, my hard work paid off and I lost 1.4lbs. This puts me at 17.8lbs total - which is only 0.2 away from my 10%. (10% of my body weight lost).

One thing that I think really helped me was making the Weight Watchers Garden Vegetable Soup. It is 0pts per serving and was so delish. I made 1 batch and it did 3 lunches...I plan to make a double batch tomorrow. Here is the recipe

GARDEN VEGETABLE SOUP

2/3c sliced carrot
1/2c diced onion
2 minced garlic cloves
3c fat free broth (beef, chicken, or vegetable)
1 1/2c diced green cabbage
1/2c green beans
1 tbsp. tomato paste
1/2 tsp. dried basil
1/4 tsp. dried oregano
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2c diced zucchini

Spray a large saucepan with nonstick cooking spray, heat. Saute the carrot, onion and garlic over low heat until softened, about 5 minutes. Add broth, cabbage, beans, tomato paste, basil, oregano and salt; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, covered about 15 minutes or until beans are tender. Stir in the zucchini and heat for 3-4 minutes. Serve hot.

With Easter coming this Sunday, I am a bit worried about my love for chocolate. Most people at the meeting last night were worried about overeating at dinner...I guess I am, too, a bit...but I have an obsession for Cadbury's mini eggs. The Easter bunny will be bring some to HoneyPie and I'm hoping I can control my weakness for them and the Mr. Munchy chocolate bunny that the Easter Bunny is bringing me LOL. Perhaps knowing the points value will help me out and will allow me to still be able to eat these treats by working them into my daily points.


Cadbury Mini Eggs 5points for small package


Allan's Mr. Munchy 6points for 1/2pc (50g)

And for those who enjoy them....I do not....

Cadbury Cream Eggs 3points per egg)

Enjoy!
~ Hollie ~

Appreciate what you have...you may not have it forever

There are many mornings that I wake up, grumpy and irritable because of being up all night with Budderoo and/or having to wake up early 'cause HoneyPie has to use the bathrom. I admit, that when I am tired, I am miserable...and lately that has been quite a lot. DH tries to find out what is bothering me, I knock it off to being tired...the little things tick me off, making me more grumpy...the kids irritate me a lot when I am sleepy - and they are only being kids.

My loved ones are more valuable and precious to me than anyone else on the face of this earth. I should look at them and remember what it is I love about them – AND not take them for granted. But I admit, sometimes I do.

On Tuesday night, DH had a health scare that brought him to the E.R. which has really made me stop and look at the little things. He is doing OK but has been referred to some specialists...I keep thinking what if he hadn't been as in-tune with his body and known that something wasn't right? Would he have woken up the next morning? What if the treatment at the hospital hadn't worked? How could I face the world without the only man I have ever loved, my partner, my best friend? How could I be a good parent to our children on my own? Just thinking of it brings me to tears.



I have realized that I need to appreciate and give thanks for everything I have. And rather than let the silly things get me down, I need to focus on the positives in my life...and there are many. I will appreciate and take care of the wonder things I have, while I still have them - Because you never know...What if "Tomorrow Never Comes"?

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch him sleeping
He's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would he ever doubt the way I feel
About him in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will he know how much I loved him
Did I try in every way to show him every day
That he's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And he must face the world without me
Is the love I gave him in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much he means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where theres no second chance to tell him how I feel

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

Garth Brooks, If Tomorrow Never Comes, revised =)


T, if a day goes by without me telling you I love you, please know just how much I do. There are so many things I love about you. The sound of your voice, the warmth of your touch, so many little things that make me love you so much. The way you support me, and help with my emotions, the way that you care and show such devotion. The way that your kiss, fills me with desire, and how you hold me with the warmth of a blazing fire. The way your eyes shine when you look at me, lost with you forever is were I want to be. The way that I feel when you're by my side, a sense of completion and overflowing pride. The dreams that I dream, that all involve you, the possibilities I see and the things we can do. How you finish the puzzle that lies inside my heart, how that deep in my soul, you are the most important part. I could go on for days, telling of what I feel, but all you really must know is my love for you is real.
You have always been my biggest fan...and I will forever be yours.
I LOVE YOU, T.


1999

Weight Loss Wednesday

Talking about weight is always such a taboo topic. No one wants to disclose their weight, especially women. Aren't we more likely to lie about our weight than our age? I thought about how I was going to write this post...should I disclose my weight at each stage of my weight loss journey...Am I too embarrassed to admit how much I actually weighed at the end of my pregnancies? Then I thought, who cares? I know that people are most often judged by their weight/body type...but I hope that people who read this or people that actually know me, see that I am a wonderful person and the numbers on the scale are just that...numbers - and one really shouldn't be judged on that.

As I mentioned in my first post, I am one of those girls who gain A LOT during pregnancy. I have always struggled with my weight and am on my 3rd go with Weight Watchers (WW). I joined WW just before I got married so that I wouldn't be a "chubby bride". So joining in January of '02...I worked my butt off and lost 20lbs by that April...and got married at a healthy weight of 139lbs. I felt great...and I vowed to keep the weight off and stay healthy....


139lbs on our honeymoon in Hawaii

HA, that didn't last long. I gained a bit here and there...

In June of 2004, DH and I decided to start trying for our first baby. At that time I was 155lbs, and I still felt good - I thought I looked alright....


155lbs

We got pregnant with HoneyPie that October and I really wanted to try and have a healthy pregnancy with not much weight gain. Well, this did not happen and I gained a whopping 68lbs. Ya, do the math - it was insane! I had a horrible time with water retention and swelled massively. I struggled with gestational diabetes - it was a very uncomfortable pregnancy - but giving birth to my beautiful 8lb 14oz HoneyPie - made it all worth it.

I joined WW when HoneyPie was 6 months old to help me lose the last of my baby weight. I didn't quite get there before giving up...I made it down to 164 and stayed around there until getting pregnant with Budderoo.


167lbs - DH and I on the ferry in Cape Cod

My pregnancy with Budderoo was even worse than HoneyPie's...I gained 55lbs and had a harder time with my gestational diabetes - this time I had to go on insulin and swelled just about the same - Budderoo was huge (10lbs 4oz) and made me SO uncomfortable. Check out this belly:


223lbs OUCH! On the way to the hospital for his arrival...

With Budderoo, I lost 41lbs in 3weeks. I had retained so much water...it was ridiculous.

So...here I am again. I've had enough and am determined to get this weight off. With having gestational diabetes twice, my chances of getting diabetes later in life has increased. I joined WW this past August with 3 of my friends...and since then...all of them have decided to try and do it on their own without the meetings. So, I go alone (which depresses me) and am working at the weight loss...slowly...I had lost over 18lbs, but have had a few off weeks recently and gained a bit back. UGH!

Wednesdays are my weigh in night...I worked so hard this past week, tracked everything I ate...and lost 2.6 lbs at the weigh in Losing a total of 16.4lbs. According to my scale, first thing in the morning, I had lost 5.6....so I was thrilled and am now even more motivated to get back to that first picture! Presently, I am 1lb away from my pre-pregnancy weight with Budderoo. I would love to get back to 140-ish...so I've got about 27lbs to go. I can do it this time!

Inside All Of Us Is A Wild Thing

On October 16th, an adaptation of Maurice Sendak's classic children's story "Where The Wild Things Are" hits the big screen.


The book tells the story of Max, who one evening plays around his home, "making mischief" in a wolf costume (chasing the dog with a fork,and growling at his mom etc.). As punishment, his mother sends him to bed without supper. In his room, a mysterious, wild forest grows out of his imagination, and Max journeys to the land of the Wild Things. The Wild Things are fearsome-looking monsters, but Max conquers them "by staring into their yellow eyes without blinking once," and he is made "the King of all Wild Things." However, he soon finds himself lonely and homesick, and he returns home to his bedroom, where he finds his supper waiting for him, still hot. Wikepedia

After watching the trailer http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/wherethewildthingsare/ I am super excited! I think it looks great...and perhaps a bit of a tearjerker. They have done a great job on creating the Wild Things...they look just like the characters in the book.



This book has been read to children for decades. I was surprised to see it was written in 1963. Children have been dreaming about this magical land for just as long. If the movie is as magical as this trailer, they may have just made our dreams come true after all. I can't wait!

Dora Grows Up...and she's ADORABLE!

While visiting my parents today, they asked me if I had seen the new "tween-age Dora"...I hadn't even heard anything about it, so they threw me over the paper where I saw this super cute older-looking Dora...along with the headline "New tween-age Dora has some wondering what she's exploring".
WHAT? Are you serious? Personally, I thought the tagline sounds perverse and inappropriate...so I decided to peruse the article to read what else they had to say about this adorable new doll from Matell. And here is what I found:

"In TV land, parental involvement is a two-way-sword, as Mattel discovered this week. It's new "tween" version of the Dora the Explorer cartoon character to be unveiled in the fall prompted a wave of criticism. Comments included "Dora the streetwalker. A sexed up version of a children's icon. A poor example for kids."
The bricks began to fly after Mattel released a silhouette of the "new Dora", whose image was changed from the tomboy look with bowl-cut hairdo, to the new Dora wearing what appeared to be a scanty skirt, emphasizing her long, shapely legs.
"Did Mattel turn Dora the Explorer into a Tramp? read The Huffington Post.
Mattel and Nickelodeon say the new Dora is not replacing the Dora the Explorer cartoon, but will be a new interactive doll aimed at the five- to eight-year old or tween market. Somehow, that doesn't seem all that reassuring."
Take from The Hamilton Spectator, March 21, 2009, Brent Lawson

After reading this, I must say I was appalled. "Dora the streetwalker", "sexed up version", "Dora into a tramp. I really wonder what sort of people think those things from looking at this picture:



Does this picture show Dora to have "long, shapely legs"? Um...NO, and to be honest, what type of person would make a comment like that about a "10yr old girl" anyway? What sort of person would think that she is SEXY? I have a pretty good idea, but will not go there....Is she wearing a "scanty skirt"? NOPE, it's a tunic with leggings...EXACTLY what kids these days are wearing. And in all honesty, it's a lot less revealing than what some of the girls are wearing these days, but that is another blog post. Dora is wearing cute little ballet flats and her original flower necklace and bracelet. I think she is adorable!

I have read a lot of articles online after reading about this new Dora Doll. I am seriously outraged! As a mother, I have NO issues with this doll whatsoever. I think that there are not enough age appropriate dolls out there for this age group...which in turn pushes young girls to dolls such as BRATZ - - (dressed in stilettos, mini skirts, revealing shirts and camis)


Taken from: theage.com.au

- - and Hannah Montana, which is far too old for this age group.
Hannah Montana:

Taken from: theage.com.au
Which is played by the 16 year old wannabe actress Miley Cyrus....this is what the kids are seeing:

Taken from: upsmiley.blogspot.com
AND THIS....

Taken from: evilbeetgossip.film.com

What parents would rather their child play with Bratz dolls and Hannah Montana dolls than a sweet little doll like this new Dora. Seriously! What a flippin joke!

I think Mattel and Nickelodeon have come up with a great new doll. "For nearly ten years, Dora the Explorer has had such a strong following among preschoolers, catapulting it into the number one preschool show on commercial television,” says Gina Sirard, vice president of marketing for Mattel. “Girls really identify with Dora and we knew that girls would love to have their friend Dora grow up with them, and experience the new things that they were going through themselves. The brand captures girls’ existing love of Dora and marries it with the fashion doll play and online experiences older girls enjoy.”

So, starting this fall, Dora has this new look, a new voice (acted by 12-year old Caitlin Sanchez, who is actually fluent in Spanish), and a new outlook on exploring. Dora will teach some multi-word Spanish phrases. And every episode is going to feature Dora meeting a new friend from a different background. She will spend her time on mysteries like, “How do I save the planet?” The solution: planting trees! She’s also going to use a little more math. These things add up to make her a good role model in many ways.

I really hope, despite all this ridiculous negativity, that Mattel's new doll is a success...I think that this could be a really positive role model for kids to follow! Kudos to Mattel =)

Birthday!!!!

HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER, JENN



26 years ago I became a big sister! My new little sister was named Jennie Amanda and I loved her immediately -- or so I was told by my parents...but by the pictures of me smothering her and covering her with kisses, it must've been true.

Jenn and I have always had a great relationship. We have so much fun together and really are best friends, not just sisters. There is no one who can make me laugh harder than her...her hijinx usually leave me laughing so loud and hard, I am crying by the end. She is a wonderful person who has a big heart and is so much fun to be around.

She is my mirror, shining back at me with a world of possibilities. She is my witness, who sees me at my worst and best, and loves me anyway. She is my partner in crime, my midnight companion, someone who knows when I am smiling, even in the dark. Love you, sissy! Happy Birthday!!!!



HAPPY 28th BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER, DENNIS




Also, celebrating a birthday today is my amazing brother-in-law, Dennis. He is DHs younger brother. As DH and I have been together forever, I've known Dennis since he was 10years old - and I love him like he is my own brother. Happy Birthday, Den! Love you!!!!

A BEAUTIFUL March Day

Well, it's been 8 days since my last post. I really wanted to try and blog more often...these past couple weeks have been crazy. DH was quite sick with bronchitis, Budderoo's ear infections did not clear up and had to go back on a stonger medication...Last Friday, I finally caught the cold that has been going around my house for the last month or so...Felt horrible over the weekend and it then turned into a very bad ear infection.
Yesterday, I felt like my ear was going to explode and I couldn't wait for my last daycare child to leave so I could rush to the walk-in. Where the Dr said, my ear infection is quite bad and it may burst...EEEK! I have never felt such horrible pain. I now know just what our kiddies are feeling when they come down with an ear infection. Poor babies! Thankfully, my meds are working quickly (as I am on a very strong dose) and my pain has definitely decreased.

This weekend was absolutely beautiful. Sunday the temperature hovered around 12-14c...it was beautiful. DH and I thought, despite my cold, that we should take advantage of the weather and visit the Maple Syrup Festival at Bronte Creek Provincial Park. First, we went on a guided tour of 'Maple Lane' where Sheila, our guide, was dressed in traditional 1890s clothing. She taught us how to tap a tree, where HoneyPie was chosen to help her hang the bucket onto the "spile". HoneyPie was so excited!




Once done the tour, you can visit the Spruce Lane Farm where they have 100+yr old artifacts in the Farmhouse, a maple museum and a maple gift shoppe where they sell souvenirs and lots of maple syrup and sugary treats. We purchased a 500mL bottle of maple syrup for $13. I think the highlight of HoneyPie's day was the treats Daddy bought her - maple suckers and maple taffy (Mommy liked this, too)



Being such a beautiful day, there were hundreds of people there so unfortunately we weren't able to hop on their wagon down to the Pancake House. HoneyPie was so disappointed, but the line-up for the wagon ride was over an hour long, and the wait at the Pancake House (where they serve pancakes, bacon and sausages) would've been just as long. There were a few tears as we were leaving, but the promise of coming back again cheered her up, kind of. It was such a great day spent with my wonderful family! We had a sweet time! (hee hee)
Hugs,
Hollie

A Little Something to Make ME Smile

Today I am exhausted....I had the worst night with Budderoo. I am guessing because it is because he is working on his molars but being up with him from 130 - 530, and DH being up with him from 6 on was exhausting. And I admit, when I am tired - I am MISERABLE! I actually took a sick day today as I knew I could not provide quality care to the kids. DH has been sick since Thursday with a chest infection and double ear infections. (He actually went back to the walk-in tonight and they have ordered an x-ray for him tomorrow as they are worried about pneumonia)...So we all spent the day in our jammies and caught up on some much needed sleep and cuddled on the couch watching Madagascar 2 with HoneyPie while Budderoo played amongst us.

So, sometimes when I am feeling down I watch this youtube video. I am a huge fan of The Office and have a wee crush on Jim! Ha! Who am I kidding? I LOVE HIM! Not so much John Krasinski, but the character of Jim Halpert. He is adorable. I found this Jim/Pam montage on youtube set to Love Story by Taylor Swift...and everytime I watch it, it makes me smile. It's a great video by 69CupONoodles. I LOVE IT...ENJOY!




'Night
Hollie